Friday 6 February 2009

Hopes and fears

Well, I´ve got my return ticket now, so barring accidents it´s all systems go. I shall leave Brazil on May 11th, flying to Madrid, where I will arrive late morning the next day. From Madrid I plan to get a coach to Pamplona, where I shall stay overnight. I´ll have most of the following day to explore Pamplona as the bus to Roncesvalles, my Camino starting point, does not leave until early evening. In Roncesvalles I shall spend the night in the pilgrim hostel, and set off finally the next day, which should be 14th of May, a Thursday, by which time I should be well over my jet-lag. I´m hoping to avoid the weekend 'bulge' of pilgrims when the hostels will be more crowded as most people set off on weekends, and I am also avoiding the Spanish holidays at the beginning of May. After I set off it is anybody´s guess when and where I´ll be as I am not making any firm plans or arrangements - I´ll walk as far as I feel able each day without trying to meet any targets, letting my body say when it has had enough.

So... time to pause and reflect a little. I´ve been wondering what this Camino is going to mean to me, what my expectations are and what I´m afraid of. Looking at the negative side first, I´m not afraid of being on my own. I´m quite looking forward to it, in fact. Also I´ve heard and read enough to know that people make lots of friends they tend to keep meeting up with along the way, so you only have to be alone if you want to be. I´m a little concerned about dogs, but imagine my walking stick will be sufficient protection. Since I am not a fast walker I am also a bit concerned about arriving after the hostel has filled up for the night. There´s not much I can do about that, so I´ll just have to cope with it if and when it happens. I think my worst fear is about not being up to it physically. Either finding the hills too much or my pack too heavy. I´m trying my best to get my body prepared for the demands I shall be making on it, I only hope it will be enough. The other negative aspects I´ve read about, such as crowded hostels, loud snorers, lack of hot showers, mud and pouring rain, don´t really worry me. I think they will all add up to making the experience richer.

On the positive side, I think I am going to enjoy the challenge of living outside my comfort zone. I have always had a fantasy about surviving alone on a desert island. As a child I used to daydream about how I would set about making tools, building a shelter, making a fire and getting food. Now I will be finding out how much I can do without, as everything I need has to be carried, all day, every day. I am also looking forward to the close contact I shall have with nature. I think nowadays we are too sealed off from the elements and the landscape. Finally, I think I am really going to enjoy escaping the daily demands and routines of home life for a bit.

It is going to be interesting to look back on the above after I have finished my Camino, and see how wide of the mark I have been in my fears and hopes. Am I really going to regard being cold and wet and tired part of an enriching experience? Here´s hoping I am!

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